How is it that we can be happy to just see someone smile and then maybe spend the night in your dark room with nobody other than a pillow on your face so that you don’t make too much noise as you cry? You feel that and then you feel this and the next thing you know you’re mentally exhausted from the overwhelming emotional roller coaster ride. How is it possible that we can feel so much but yet can’t even see feelings? Where do feelings actually come from? I mean, I can’t see them, and where in our body system are feelings at, or are they even within us? Why do we even have emotions? I mean, we can’t even control it and it’s literally inevitable to avoid and I can’t even comprehend the existence of emotions. These questions frustrate me, even when it may not be as logical. Questions I don’t have the answers to.
Though, there are two things that I’m pretty sure of. Firstly and obviously, Allah created us with emotions and surely there is a purpose and reason for it, and secondly, feelings are what makes us humans. To those out there who are emotionally sensitive souls, there is no shame. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being sensitive, and to me, it just means your heart is still alive. A gift to feel what others don’t feel. It’s like you’re feeling the essence of God Himself, where with your feelings, you’re able to see the message and opportunities Allah has to offer around you, in this world filled with trials and calamities. However, this does not mean we should not manage our feelings. It may be inevitable, but it is manageable, especially the negative emotions. In this world of tribulations, I have to say, one of the hardest feelings to manage is sadness.
“Don’t be sad, Allah is with us” [9:40]
What’s amazing about this ayat to me is that it’s a direct straightforward smack in the face. Allah phrase it in such a simple yet beautiful way for you to understand, or should I say, for everybody to easily directly understand like as if He knew, in this world, you’re going be sad and He is telling you that the answer, is Allah Himself. It’s like you don’t even have to show Him where it hurts, because He is already there telling you that it is okay, it is alright. We might feel alone when we are sad but little did we knew, He was there all along from the start, and if God brings you to it, I’m sure He will bring you through it, because those who walk with Allah, will always reach their destination. Allah is in front you to lead, behind you to catch you when you fall and besides you as the most caring Friend you will ever need, and even when you end up going the wrong way over and over and over again, it’s amazing how Allah gives us an infinite amount of U-turns, to come back to Him, welcoming you.
It is here, with this understanding, I find the calming feeling where you’ve just cried your eyes out in sujood, knowing that it is going to be okay because Allah heard your desperate call. Then when I realised that my doa is answered, do you know what that means? It means an insignificant soul like me just literally spoke to The Majesty and He listened, loved and accepted it. No human being will understand and care as much as He does because only He understands exactly what is wrong with you. Never lose hope in Him because He knew every single tear you shed, the number of times your heart sank, the amount of sadness and grief you’ve faced. He is the only one who can turn your tears of sadness into absolute bliss.
Through this journey to finding peace, I come to understand that there isn’t such thing as peace as an end goal, but rather peace is the process itself, where through the noise and trouble, you’re still able to calm your heart.
Your heart will never be alone, and I hope you find your way home, to Him.
“Verily, in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest” [13:28]