How is it that we can be happy to just see someone smile and then maybe spend the night in your dark room with nobody other than a pillow on your face so that you don’t make too much noise as you cry? You feel that and then you feel this and the next thing you know you’re mentally exhausted from the overwhelming emotional roller coaster ride. How is it possible that we can feel so much but yet can’t even see feelings? Where do feelings actually come from? I mean, I can’t see them, and where in our body system are feelings at, or are they even within us? Why do we even have emotions? I mean, we can’t even control it and it’s literally inevitable to avoid and I can’t even comprehend the existence of emotions. These questions frustrate me, even when it may not be as logical. Questions I don’t have the answers to.

Though, there are two things that I’m pretty sure of. Firstly and obviously, Allah created us with emotions and surely there is a purpose and reason for it, and secondly, feelings are what makes us humans. To those out there who are emotionally sensitive souls, there is no shame. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being sensitive, and to me, it just means your heart is still alive. A gift to feel what others don’t feel. It’s like you’re feeling the essence of God Himself, where with your feelings, you’re able to see the message and opportunities Allah has to offer around you, in this world filled with trials and calamities. However, this does not mean we should not manage our feelings. It may be inevitable, but it is manageable, especially the negative emotions. In this world of tribulations, I have to say, one of the hardest feelings to manage is sadness.

 “Don’t be sad, Allah is with us” [9:40]

What’s amazing about this ayat to me is that it’s a direct straightforward smack in the face. Allah phrase it in such a simple yet beautiful way for you to understand, or should I say, for everybody to easily directly understand like as if He knew, in this world, you’re going be sad and He is telling you that the answer, is Allah Himself. It’s like you don’t even have to show Him where it hurts, because He is already there telling you that it is okay, it is alright. We might feel alone when we are sad but little did we knew, He was there all along from the start, and if God brings you to it, I’m sure He will bring you through it, because those who walk with Allah, will always reach their destination. Allah is in front you to lead, behind you to catch you when you fall and besides you as the most caring Friend you will ever need, and even when you end up going the wrong way over and over and over again, it’s amazing how Allah gives us an infinite amount of U-turns, to come back to Him, welcoming you.

It is here, with this understanding, I find the calming feeling where you’ve just cried your eyes out in sujood, knowing that it is going to be okay because Allah heard your desperate call. Then when I realised that my doa is answered, do you know what that means? It means an insignificant soul like me just literally spoke to The Majesty and He listened, loved and accepted it. No human being will understand and care as much as He does because only He understands exactly what is wrong with you. Never lose hope in Him because He knew every single tear you shed, the number of times your heart sank, the amount of sadness and grief you’ve faced. He is the only one who can turn your tears of sadness into absolute bliss.

Through this journey to finding peace, I come to understand that there isn’t such thing as peace as an end goal, but rather peace is the process itself, where through the noise and trouble, you’re still able to calm your heart.

Your heart will never be alone, and I hope you find your way home, to Him.

“Verily, in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest” [13:28]


Your real enemy

I went out with a friend the other day and he was sharing with me how sad and disappointed he was when the people who judged and criticised him were unexpectedly his close ones and loved ones. I’m pretty sure he isn’t the only one facing such situations, as we all, at least, had a fair share of that in our lives. Well, the thing is, such situations like this may lead to misunderstandings, arguments, distrust or even hatred to each other, to our very own love ones. If it had led to this then sadly, you’ve lost the battle. Remember who your real enemy is.

As you grow and change to someone better, as you realise you are growing to the higher level of conduct, you’ve become a whole new different and better person totally. As this happens, syaitan gets more frustrated because now you’re wiser, more patient and better, and they have to make more effort to astray you until they eventually can’t. Here’s the thing, they are apparently cunning and they know who you love. If they cannot get to you, they get to your friends. Now your friends start to talk bad about you and think badly of you. If you happen to keep yourself in patience, then okay you win. However, then, they will go to hmm, maybe your relatives next? Now your relatives start to judge you saying this and that about you till they get to your nerves. Let’s say you win this battle too, who is next on the list? Your spouse and kids maybe? What if your mom is sick and you want to visit but syaitan makes your wife dislike your own mother and now you have to choose between your mom or wife. What if you want to donate your money but your wife prefer you spending them all on her instead? Let’s say you win all these battles because you’re a very faithful and patient person. Who’s next? Your parents? Suddenly everything you do, your parents disagree maybe even when your intentions were pure. What are you going to do? Be rude to them? Don’t let syaitan destroy your relationship with those you love.

“And We have made some of you [people] as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.” [25:20]

However don’t despair, as scary as it may seem, we all have Allah to return to. When syaitan vowed to lead man astray Allah said to him “I will continue to forgive them, so long as they ask my forgiveness”. Remember, Allah will never give up on you, so don’t give up on Him as well. He is always there to put us on the winning side.

Be patient because this world is filled with calamities and test, but just remember that Allah has something better waiting for us in the next life. Yet again another comforting fact.

“And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life].” [93:4]

Sometimes I like to think that syaitan is actually doing us a favour, a favour to be a totally different person with a higher level of faith on a higher level of conduct. As crazy as it sounds, it keeps me positive.

Remember who your real enemy is.



If you’re here

If Muhammad s.a.w was here today….

I will go speechless. I wouldn’t know what to do not because I don’t, but because there is a lot of things I would want to do to be close to you.

Your name brings people together, inspiring them all for the better. I hope you notice and recognize me from the crowd, as I run to you in eager.

I’ll tell you about the condition of your ummah, but I would end up making you cry, because how should I tell the man who saved daughters from being buried, that we kill them with abortions every time.

If so, how should I wipe your tears away with the same rough hands I do filth, where a cloth is purer than what my own hands could offer with.

Maybe I should give you a gift, but what I could only think of is my own soul and my everything at your service. Oh, how shameful I am to give myself as a gift, a soul who doesn’t even memorise the Quran, the message you were brought down with.

Yet I have the guts to ask for a hug or hold you close to me, a sinful soul, not even deserving.

Well, at least I can look at you till I fill my never-ending satisfactory, yet couldn’t help but think if you would smile or look away when you see me.

But they say you’re merciful, and I hope you would still hold me. As for a wish, take me away from here along with you for eternity.





What comes to your mind when you see the word beauty? Do you define it as something physical or does it mean something more? I wrote this metaphor once in an old post on my Instagram account.

You see, when it comes to flowers, most people would rather be a rose or maybe a sunflower, for it is physically beautiful, but in reality, sometimes the beauty outside may hide a poison inside. Well, let’s imagine ourselves as cactuses for a moment. It can grow at anywhere it is planted and able to grow where no other flower would bloom. It is able to perfectly adapt to any environment it is being put in. It does not complain when the sun bakes or when the sky tears or when it drowns in stormy dry sand or when it is thirsty. When it rains it stores all the water it can for the hard times to come. So regardless in good or bad times, it will still bloom. It also protects itself from danger but yet it never harasses other plants. A cactus is gentler than it looks.

Firstly, we sometimes like to choose which group we like to be with or where we want to be at. Just because you are being put in a group of who are not the best of people, doesn’t mean we avoid and walk away thinking that they are bad influence or whatsoever. It is through darkness where your inner light shines the brightest. If nobody there wants to make the change, then you be the light who makes the change. Similarly being put into somewhere which you don’t want to be, like a department you know you are going to struggle in. This is where we need to learn and adapt. Look at things positivity, take the good, throw the bad and grow yourself into someone better. Just like the cactus which is able to grow itself anywhere it is being put it.

Secondly, the cactus is one of the most patient and grateful living thing you can ever think of. It legitimately just make do with whatever situation it is being thrown at, yet doesn’t complain about it. On the other hand, we complain just because our transport is late.

Lastly, we should be people who are gentle and of kindness to the people around us. We shouldn’t be resorting to violence unless to protect ourselves from danger. Another point goes out to the women protecting themselves from the dangers of men by covering themselves up, yet putting effort and doing their best to be a better, kind and caring Muslim. Similarly to the cactus which protects itself from danger but yet it never harasses others.

To a small extent, I guess by now you get the idea on how I define beauty, as of a cactus, where beauty of the character, is more worthy. Being a human myself, I admit, I would love to have someone physically beautiful, but to think about, it’s more of a bonus and it wouldn’t last either, for what would last is the beauty of the heart.


The Relief

Years ago, I didn’t know much about having faith. I don’t know how to read the Quran well nor understand what it means to have patience, trust or why was I in such difficulty. All I knew was that, He listens, though I didn’t have the knowledge of His power in answering back then. Therefore I was depressed, moody and feeling really low. I didn’t talk nor eat much either. I was alone.

In one of the nights in Ramadhan of that year, something in my heart urged me to download and open up the Quran app on my phone. I just quickly scrolled through the surahs and just randomly click on one, and my finger fell on surah Al-Sharh (The Relief), with some prefer calling it Al-Insyirah. I played the audio, listened and I found myself in tears without knowing what it meant, and for some reason I fell in love with it and replayed it multiple times and more tears keep on falling as I slowly understand what it meant. Remember, I knew less of the Quran, nor know the basics of hurufs or tajwid but through the help of Allah, I miraculously was able to memorise the whole surah in less than 3 days. I knew from that point, this was a direct answer of my prayers from Allah. From the moment where He urged my heart to download the app, guided my finger to scroll down to its page and then to click on it out of 114 surahs and afterwards made me listen. He then soften my heart to take it in, put me in tears and granted me the ability to memorise it when my knowledge of reading it was as if of a pea. He brought me ease. I felt ease, just like as He promised in that Surah itself. For that whole journey, it was as if I was living through from ayat 1 to ayat 8.

سم الله الرحمن الرحيم

1. “Have We not expanded for you your breast?”
2. “And We removed from you your burden,”
3. “Which weighed down your back?”
4. “And We exalted for you your reputation?”
5. “Then, surely with hardship comes ease:”
6. “Surely, with hardship comes ease,”
7. “So when you have finished (with your immediate task), still strive hard, (then toil),”
8. “And to your Lord turn (all) your attention.”

Surah 94: Al – Insyirah

For those who kept on asking me why do I always read this surah all the time when I led prayers, well, this is where it started. For this surah was the kick start of my change. This surah reminded me who I was, and where I am. This surah reminds me, that everything is going to be fine. This surah reminded me of that miraculous moment. In addition, I guess I can say, for whatever difficulties or troubles that you encounter, Allah will always provide a solution for a way out, to lead you to ease and happiness.

As I have once shared in a few of my previous post, Whatever difficulty you’re going through, it is not permanent, because you and I are not permanent. We are not permanent and that is because we are made for Jannah and not for this temporary world. Sometimes its just hard for us to understand what Allah really wants to make happen, but put your trust in Him because He plans and gives what is best for you and I. Be patient, for what was written for us was written by the greatest of All writers. It’s amazing how Allah’s words bring comfort to the heart. Ease is in the hardship itself but it manifests itself best, when the hardship is over. It is only then you realise you become a total different person with a higher level of faith on a higher level of conduct, as if he gave you chance to go into a higher level because He wants to see you in a higher Jannah.

If that isn’t enough for you then look at the prophets and the believers. They are where they are, because of difficulty.


An unforgettable Du’a

7 years ago, I came to my realisations of my doings and started my hijrah, to change from who I was, to a better man. The thing about being in a state of hijrah is that, you feel close to Allah, you feel His presence, His love, His mercy and you know He listens. Your heart is occupied with His presence, and I believe some of my readers here know exactly how indescribable it feels like. Being in the state I was, I once made a du’a on an unforgettable moment.

It was a rainy Friday and I was making my way to the mosque for Friday prayers. The rain was so heavy, trees were legitimately tumbling down across roads. Back then, I didn’t know that it was permissible to not go for Friday prayers in an event of a heavy rain thus, I made effort to get to the mosque regardless, putting me in a position where I was stuck under a void deck few blocks away from the mosque, because what’s left in-between was a park, an open ground. I stood there and made du’a, asking for a path or a way to the masjid, or at least make the rain stop or simply just make it easy for me, just so that I can enter the masjid, just for the simple reason of wanting to prostrate to Him on that Friday prayer. I continued making the du’a continuously, and I know that He listens, and it just the matter if I have the perseverance to keep that trust and faith in that du’a as I say it continuously.

An old malay man with a songkok, was approaching to my direction, and was holding 2 umbrellas, and I knew, Allah answered my du’a through this opportunity. I asked if he was going to the mosque and if I could join him, and he agreed and gave me one of his umbrella. Now, the thing is, this man is barefooted, with blood on his feet, doesn’t talk much either. I asked him why he was barefooted and where were his slippers, and he replied, “I was sending my grandchild to school when I slipped and fell into the drain and lost my slippers”. Bear in mind, this old man was walking on flooded pavements and muddy grounds, barefooted in the rain. We finally reached to the other end of the park, now sheltered straight to the mosque. However, he didn’t follow me. “I have to go back first”, he said, while pointing away from the direction of the mosque. I passed back his umbrella, we gave salam and he walked off speedily, while I make my way to the mosque, safe, clean and dry.

Who was that man? Honestly, I have no idea. Was he a man who Allah puts him in misfortunate events so that we may meet, therefore answering my du’a? Or maybe some may think, was he human at all? For that, I let you decide.

The important thing here is that, I’ve learn not to underestimate the power of a du’a. If you’re sincere with your du’a and trust that Allah will answer, miracles may happen. What’s even better is that, Allah is the best listener, you don’t need to shout, nor cry out loud because He hears even the very silent prayer of a sincere heart. Allah understands our supplication even when we can’t find the words to say. I find ease knowing that.

“He knows what is in every heart.” [67:13]

People might disappoint you over and over again, but it’s okay because Allah will never disappoint you. 


Secrets behind moments

I was sitting on the front passenger seat in the taxi, on my way to book-in into camp. Halfway through the journey, I was occupying myself with my phone, scrolling through different chats and social network apps. It’s only until then I looked up to the view in front of me and instantly noticed the vast painted sky with a mesmerising sunset. What’s my point here? I was on a journey. In that journey, I was too busy occupying myself, concentrating, on things that matter less. Too busy to notice the wonders and the significance that my surrounding has to offer.

We are all in a journey, journey of our respective lives and in this journey of ours, we each have dreams, setting ourselves goals that we want to achieve. We spend day and night almost every day, concentrating on working towards these life goals of ours, be it education or career. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s wrong, but my point here is that sometimes we spend too much time concentrating on the journey, rather than experiencing the journey itself. As Nur Fadhilah Wahid wrote in her book, Light Upon Light, “So concentrated are we on making the best of the journey, that we forget to experience the journey itself.”

We subconsciously tend to be focused towards the end goal rather than the things we learn or experience throughout the journey. What do i mean? THERE IS A SECRET. There is a reason why you’re there. A reason who you’re with. A reason you took that step. A reason it happened to you. Maybe even to the fact that you’re reading this post, the reason you’re being brought towards this screen, or even the reason why I’m typing these words right now. There is a secret behind every moment.

I come to realise, every step we take, Allah is actually communicating with us. Allah presents to us every opportunity to be astonished every minute of our life because He presents to us moments by moments of His Greatness and Beauty, for us to be in amazement of His wonderful works. For every moment and every step we take, there is a secret behind it. Allah is communicating to you, telling you a secret behind every moment you go through in your journey. He is telling and showing you something, a hidden lesson and meaning to every moment. Though we were too busy to experience, feel and live through these moments in our journey because we are too concentrated on making the best out of the journey instead.

It’s only then you start to see moments in a different perspective, knowing that Allah is sharing with you a secret behind every moment. Every good and bad moment now turns into a blessing for you. Everything becomes interesting for you. Every direction you look reminds you of Allah. Every step you take, you feel His presence, because you’re now aware that He is near, He communicates.

Back to the passenger seat. Of all seats, i was in the front. Of all moments, it was a sunset. Of all views, it has to be the moment where the environment permits me to observe the vastness of the sky. Of all direction, the road was facing directly towards the sunset and vastness of the coloured sky. While my eyes were stuck in awe, I thought to myself, why did He put us in a position where we are able to witness such sunsets? That moment I found its secrets. Allah is the best of painters and the ultimate Creator because no creation other than the Creator has the power to create such beauty. Witnessing it, I find myself at peace for a moment, telling me that no matter what happens, things can still end beautifully just like the sunset after a sunny or rainy day, and guess I can say, the best of secrets I found in that moment is that peace is seeing a sunset and knowing Who to thank.


Relax, take it easy

“Tell me something that can get me through the week”, a friend asked me. At that sleepy morning my mind was still asleep, brain dead. Digging through the foggy thoughts, the first thing that apparently came to mind was, and i told him, “We may plan but Allah is the best of planners because what was written for you was written by the greatest of Writers. So don’t despair, Allah knows best”

As i sit there, with my own words replaying through my mind, digging through its understandings and its wisdom, I found and came to realised what the secret is behind those words. Its telling me and i’m convinced, relax, take it easy because you’re in good hands.

Firstly, I got reminded of what Shaykh Hamza Yusuf said in one of the YouTube reminders that I came across. Imagine a father throwing his child up in the air, and the child is scared, consumed with fear and anxiety at the highest point in the air. Then, he falls back into the hands of the father. He throws him up again the second time, but now the child is laughing, because he now knows, and trust, he is in good hands. Now this is how life is. The highest point up in the air, is dunya, where we are all filled with anxiety with this and that, with difficulties of this and that, but this time, the one who is going to catch us in no other than Allah. To fall in the hands of our very own loving Creator. How should I not feel at ease about that, how could I not fall the second time without a smile, knowing Who I would fall to, saying don’t worry, you’re in good hands like He promised us, twice.

“Indeed with every hardship, there is ease. Indeed with every hardship, there is ease” [94:5-6]

Secondly, another one from Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. I remember he said, “we need to learn to swim”. When you go for a swimming lesson, the instructor would tell you to lay on your back in the water. Now, you do not have any idea on how to swim nor float, and he is telling you to lay down on your back in the water, and then we get anxiety, fearful, all you think is that you’re going to drown. The instructor then calms you, instructs you and then just tells you to relax. Then, you find yourself actually floating, in relaxation. Similarly, to the story in the first point, this is how life is. What I learnt from this is that Allah would instruct you on things you would think is bad for you or would make you worry, but then Allah would come to you like a mother would, and guide you throughout your journey, telling you to relax, listen to Him, trust His decisions, and those who do, would learn to float and those who don’t, are those who drown. Allah knows what’s best for you, so just relax, take it easy, yet again, you’re in good hands.

“but perhaps you hate a thing and its good for you; and perhaps you love a thing that is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.” [2;216]

Thirdly, recently I’ve kept myself busy with a book, ‘The Millennium Discourses’ by Shaykh Etsko Schuitema. I came across a life metaphor that was very intriguing. It’s about life in a perspective of a book. So you are walking through a text, in a book, with every word carrying its meaning, with paragraphs of confronting moment and chapters that carry surprises. As you walk carefully, reading it well, you’ll find that the book consist a mix that is very personal, of love letters and a treasure map. Just like treasure maps, you read the next steps properly, following the steps till you get closer to the treasure, the treasure of all treasures. Well, this book is a letter that is being addressed to you, by the Creator, to you personally, with the treasure being Himself, the essence of all delight and joy. From here i understand literally, by the idea of walking through the paragraphs of you life, the expanded and deeper meaning to what was written for you, was written by the greatest of Writers. So yet again, just relax, take it easy because you’re in a good script, written by the greatest Writer.

Lastly, a question. Maybe, it’s easier said than done, but why does it have to be difficult? It’s because He loves you. When Allah loves you, he sends trials your way. To transform you, so that you become a better person. Allah gives the hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. Trust Allah when things don’t work out the way you wanted. Allah has something better planned for you. So don’t despair. You would then realise you became a total different person with a higher level of faith on a higher level of conduct. With that, its as if He is giving you a chance to go into a higher level because He wants to see you in a higher Jannah. Yet again, relax, take it easy, have patience because Allah has planned the best for you.

“And the hereafter is better for you than the first life” [93:4]


Where is the love?

Its sad to say and see that the negative society in our era has settled its place in the Muslim community. What I observe is, we respect and celebrate when a person (non-Muslim) embraces Islam, elevating and respecting him/her, however, this is not the case when it comes to our own people. When a Muslim changes or goes through a hijrah, or what people would call today as a spiritual retreat, it’s sad to see some of our own minority, bombarding these pour souls with negativity and criticism, with our negative judgement. This is apparently true, being a victim and a witness myself.

Case scenarios: A woman finally takes the courage and the gets the change of heart to finally start wearing the hijab. Sadly, her friends started to judge her for wearing the hijab because she used to not wear it. Instead of supporting her in her new journey, she’s being deemed as ‘step alim’ by others. A man, with his behaviour and attitude changing for the better, being called a hypocrite.

Is this all actually even necessary? The thing is, we tend to define people according to their past. This gives the impression that we won’t be able to move on from our past and that the past will always be haunting us. The true fact is, the past does not determine who we are, and what matters is what we do now and the future.

Bombarding them with negative words that touch deep within them. With their weak self, they put their hopes on you, with the sincere expectation that you will understand them, and provide the guidance they need. Take the great opportunity to give them hope before they lose hope. Imagine you making the effort to change and making more friends with other Muslims, but to only have them pulling you down instead. We are supposed to be supportive and to elevate each other, and not discriminate and criticize the next person based on their past. How are we supposed to make non-Muslims understand us, when we ourselves don’t understand each other? Change begins with the community itself, and for a start, individually.

“Do not lose hope nor be sad, you will surely be victorious if you’re true in faith” [3:139]

In addition, we even fight and argue among ourselves, and what more saddening, is those argues that occur within the circle of our own families. We hold grudges and hate even towards our own siblings or relatives and what is worst is that, it drags for years, where our ego kicks in to not forgive. Yet, we have the guts to ask Allah to forgive us when we ourselves don’t forgive others.

Islam is the religion of hope, yet through my reflection, I find that our community is deprived of hope.

‘What you see in other people is a reflection of yourself. A person of goodness sees goodness in others and a person who is evil sees evil in others” – Sheikh Omar Suleiman


Opinions, perfection and judgement

It frustrates me when people shove and force their opinions into my throat, like as if their opinions are the most true of facts. What more, when the things i do or say is shove away or not favoured just because i share or carry a different opinion of a certain thing, despite the similarities. Its not that i reject their opinions, I actually respect them and agree to them, and most of them are correct as well. It’s just that i believe of doing or achieving something higher or different. However, what i don’t like is being forced to do what they want to see you do. Before i explain further, to prevent misunderstandings, i want you to get this clear that the opinions that I’m talking about are not those regarding religious opinions, and are dunya inclined.

As a simple example, lets say, person A believes that leaving his current work place and getting another job elsewhere, would be better for him. His colleague, person B, believes that his workplace is the best place in the world and the best job anyone could ever have. B told A not to leave, but A has made his decision to do so anyway. B didn’t like the idea because he thinks A is making the wrong decision.

B told A everyday, “the industry is hard out there and you’ll never get another job. Don’t make a stupid decision.”

A decides to leave as B shakes his head in disappointment, strongly believing that A is never going to make it. 5 years later, both A and B became successful on their own different paths regardless of their opinions.

As you can see, difference in opinion can apparently cause an unwanted and unnecessary negativity between people. The thing is we think we are perfect. Our choices and decisions we do are the best and we tell people to do them as well thinking we are the best. When someone shares their opinions, arguments can happen just because each believes their strongly correct. We are quick to judge. We judge without investigating why he/she does a certain act, like as if we are Gods that can read the hearts of others. We need to learn to respect the opinion of others, as long it is sincere, reasonable and respectfully understandable, unless their opinion is strictly illogical and not within the Islamic laws. (Then we have to advice them on it, and when it comes the opinions on religion, or its laws, best to ask those with proper knowledge.)

It doesn’t matter if you’re different or if you’re the odd one out of a hundred, because you know what you want to achieve for and what you’re doing (with the right and correct sincere intentions, logical, and as long its within the Islamic laws)

There is charcoal. There is gas.

Well, both apparently gives you the same results. You just have to choose which is best for you. Never judge a person’s decision or perspective just because its different than yours. Some flowers grow best in the sun while some grow best in the shade. Allah knows us best and puts us where we grow best. At the end of the day, we all share the same goal. Use that as a driving factor to unite instead of becoming foes.

Regarding about perfection. If youre finding the perfect leader, friend or spouse, then you won’t find any in this world. Well, nobody is perfect. Instead, be a leader who perfect others as they perfect you. Be a friend who becomes the strength to other’s weaknesses as they be the strength to yours. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about two people perfecting each other. If everything was to be perfect, then what would be the value of jannah?